Lucky Girl

‘Right,’ Kaitlin whispered. ‘Today will be the day’.

To anyone she knew, Kaitlin was a hard-working woman. A fierce determinist, with an incredible will for adaptability, she was going places. There had been so many occasions when her mother had gushed over brilliant daughter, “Oh, my Special K will be rich one day, just you see, she works hard does my girl,” delighting in the glowing responses from family members and friends. Kaitlin wondered how many of them rolled their inner eyes or returned home to complain about the wretched arrogance of it all. Her mother was a proud woman, and any success of Kaitlin’s was a success of hers, so why not shout about it? She did grace the world with her presence she'd have you know.

But standing in front of her bathroom mirror, wearing her fluffy leopard print slippers and matching headband, she was no more than a human asking for a chance. Today will be the day that life turns a corner. Today will be the day that good fortune comes my way. Today will be the day.

A tear rolled down her cheek, cutting a faint line through her matte foundation. She was sick to death of Jason not being here. She looked down at their cockapoo, Nancy, whose big browns never failed to draw her attention, ‘He could at least call, Nance,” she sighed. Nancy cocked her head to the side and stood with anticipation. ‘I know, darling,’ Kaitlin cooed, ‘time for breakfast.’

Kaitlin’s mornings were slow and steady. As a rule, when at home she would relax and take her time. The second she passed the threshold of the door however, things would change. A powerwalk to work, followed by a black coffee, followed by back-to-back appointments, a ten minute lunch break (if her calendar allowed it), followed by another power walk back to her front door, and when that big red door closed behind her, she dropped everything and exhaled the stresses from the day.

If Jason was home, he would already be cooking up a feast for dinner, so that first welcoming deep breath on her return home from a day of hard graft would usually be filled with chicken, chorizo or pasta (the usual favourites).

But at the moment, she did not have such luxuries. Training comes first, she thought.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket – not Jason, but a notification to be in it to win it! Kaitlin sighed. She should have known it was the lottery app pushing her to spend more money and get her head in the game; it buzzed her every Friday to remind her, which was good - massaging her gambling tendencies once a week by buying one ticket was a gentle way of having a flutter without becoming totally addicted.

She slid her smartphone back into her pocket and approached the fireplace where her fluffy ones usually had their meals, and where Nancy was currently spinning in excitement in that ‘gimme gimme gimme!’ way. She licked Kaitlin’s hand as she placed her bowl down on the tiles.

Oh, to be as carefree and as Nancy.

She dressed, applied her make-up, grabbed a banana and as soon as the front door shut behind her, she embarked on her daily mission. Salt air filled her lungs, and a familiar chorus of seagulls swirled above, waiting to pounce on a small and unsuspecting human clutching a fresh bag of hot donuts. Living by the sea was a choice she and Jason had made almost three years ago now. It was supposed to be medicinal, a chance for Jason to surf the waves and for Kaitlin to de-stress and escape the office life where she was but a small female rat in a big scary (and predominantly male) race.

They moved in at the beginning of what was to be a paradisal summer of fun. They were on a never-ending holiday of afternoons on the beach, crazy golf, fish and chips, evening walks, hikes and beer tasting, and neither of them wanted it to end.

But as they settled into Autumn, the cold air brought with it a series of unfortunate events and their seaside dreams decayed along with the fallen leaves that were once green with life. Jason was made redundant, and Kaitlin had failed to secure a nice, easy job in town. Their money ran out and they were both left as exhausted as they had been in the city, except now they did not have a steady stream of income to massage their stresses. Jason eventually found a part time job at a nearby IT consultancy firm and filled the rest of his days with army training and courses, and Kaitlin was often left to keep the home fires burning. A few deep breaths and an apprenticeship later, she was a fully qualified beautician working at the Oh So Trendy salon on the sea front. And with Jason’s frequent absence, she often booked appointments seven days a week to keep busy.

As her red heels stomped along the cobbled stone path, she remembered that first, glorious summer. Such a burst of colour and anticipation for the future. The last time she could remember feeling truly happy.

At the crossroads, she skipped towards the corner of the high street and popped into Andy’s Convenience Store, as she did every morning. Andy had been Kaitlin's very first friend in Tescombe Bay. At first it was a daily ‘Hello, good morning, how are you’ situation, but they had bonded in recent months over their love for cappuccinos and puzzles, often tackling the crosswords in the daily paper together. He would write in red ink, and she in blue; it was a little game they played to see who could answer the most clues.

Kaitlin pushed through the door and the bell ringed above her - ‘Ah Katie!’ Andy exclaimed, ‘Another lovely day, eh?’

‘Andy,’ Kaitlin smiled, ‘How are you?’

‘Very good, thank you – ah – a cappuccino for you, on the house,’ he replied, gesturing to a brown takeaway cup on the counter.

Kaitlin’s cheeks warmed, ‘Andy, you don’t have to -’

‘Hush now, if you can’t give your favourite customer a free drink every now and then there is something wrong.’

‘Well, I would like to purchase a Morning Star please and a lucky dip for tonight,’ she insisted, pushing a five-pound note towards him.

‘Of course, my lovely,’ Andy said, and exchanged her note for three single pound coins.

Kaitlin looked down in confusion and had a flashback to a year seven maths class, her forehead creased, staring down at the paper until Miss Matthews came to her rescue. ‘Andy. This isn’t right?’ she asked.

‘Every penny counts my lovely,’ he said, and winked at her with the usual twinkle in his eye.

A grin spread across Kaitlin’s face for the first time since Jason had left for training. ‘You,’ she said.

‘Ah, I know,’ Andy agreed, ‘such a romantic.’

Kaitlin picked up her free cup of caffeine, ‘such a flirt! See you tomorrow,’ she shouted over her shoulder and walked away from the counter.

‘Of course, have a good day,’ Andy cooed. His voice was mellow and upbeat, like he was singing an accompaniment to her exit.

Two minutes later, Kaitlin walked through the front door of the salon. ‘Heya,’ Gabby beamed from behind the reception desk, ‘oh, what’s wrong?’ she asked.

Kaitlin gave her best smile and averted her eyes. Gabrielle was both a master at reading people and a keen agony aunt, and Kaitlin did not want to have to delve into her troubled mind today. She took off her jacket, dropped her bag and paper on the desk and changed the subject, ‘are you shopping again?’ she asked with a mock interest.

Gabby picked up a pink fluffy pen and dotted twice onto a page of her notebook, which was also pink. Always wearing and holding pink, and not just on Wednesdays. She cocked her head to the side and her long black ponytail swished around her shoulders. ‘Well, I am planning a Christmas city break to Prague with Ben, we are going to the Christmas markets!’ she chirped.

Kaitlin’s eyes widened; it was only two days ago that Gabby was pleading poverty. ‘Um, how...’

‘I took out a loan,’ her colleague said with defiance, and nodded. ‘I have decided to say yes to life.’

Say yes to life, not to debt, Kaitlin thought. Still, it wasn’t her place to judge. She and Jason had taken out their fair share of loans in the past. ‘Where there is money, there is an argument’, her grandmother used to say, and they had certainly had their fair share of those too. And who was she to say that Gabby was doing the wrong thing?

All she could do was offer some words of wisdom. ‘Well, you just make sure you can make those payments,’ she advised.

Gabby set her pretty pen down on the obscenely clean desk and looked up at Kaitlin with a blind optimism that came only with youth. ‘I plan to make the minimum payments until Ben’s bonus comes in,’ she stated with pride.

What a way to pay interest on interest. ‘Just pay as much as you can,’ she said. Gabby nodded and turned back to her planning project. Kaitlin picked up Andy’s coffee and made her way to her own treatment room, Amethyst Room, where she would remain for most of the day. Those four purple walls had seen some trying days, and certainly held a great deal of secrets, but for the next ten minutes they would conceal her as she drank her cappuccino in peace.

After which, the nightmare would begin.

Client number one – Ella. AKA - Cruella.

A woman of wealth and glamour, Ella had been a client for around six months now. She came in every week for a forty-minute back, neck and shoulder. She was nice enough, but their conversations usually left Kaitlin reeling in embarrassment. It also felt a little like Groundhog Day – there she was, on the same day as last week, her oiled hands sliding over the same orange wrinkled back, the smell of Christian Dior Pure Poison lingering in the air. The same old chat. The same old cringe.

‘Oh darling, you really must get yourself to Sardinia. It really is just glorious. The weather, the food...’ - she lifted her head around to look up at Kaitlin, revealing a little too much side boob - ‘...the men,’ she cackled and turned to nestle her big chest back into the groove of the table. ‘You really must go. In fact, I demand it. I will take you myself!’

Kaitlin stopped massaging and her chest tightened at the thought.

‘How is next Wednesday?’ Ella asked.

How does anyone just decide to fly to Italy with less than a week’s notice? ‘Well...I have to work, Cr-I mean, Ella.’

She took a breath. How deeply embarrassing that could have been.

‘Ah well, one day, darling. You will just simply collapse at the sheer size of the-’

‘Well, that’s time!’ Katlin chirped and covered Ella with the heated towel.

‘Oh, oh...the best part of my week,’ she sighed under the warmth.

Then you really should get out more. ‘That’s what I’m here for,’ Kaitlin smiled, clasping her hands in front of her tunic. ‘I’ll leave you to change.’ she said, then backed out of the room like a parent trying to not to wake their sleeping baby.

Client number two – Tessa, AKA – Tessa the Professor.

A thirty-something know-it-all who graced the salon with her presence one a month. No actual qualifications or life experience to speak of, just an incredible knack for turning every conversation or comment back to her or her ‘clever’ twin girls, along with a mortifying need to give her advice (of that she is sure we are all in desperate need).

Kaitlin had her own little game of dusting off the top of the varnish she thought Tessa would pick for her nails. Perhaps it was her own cynical way of proving just how predictable Tessa was, but she enjoyed it all the same. Brushing her fingertips across the display, she dusted two bottles, one bright red and one white, with a wry smile on her lips.

The familiar sound of thick heels clomped towards her.

‘Hiya, Kate,’ she sang with excitement, ‘I’m here for my Disney nails!’

Not even the fact she had called her Kate (which Kaitlin hated) could stop her from feeling a little bit smug. ‘So, we are going for...’ she asked, gesturing to the nail varnish cabinet.

‘Red and white. I want polka dots on each nail, as bright as you can please!’

Mini Mouse. Knew it.

‘Our trip starts on Thursday. The girls are so excited. Three weeks of Disney action. They have been waiting so long for this and they deserve it. They are just so clever and have been so good at school. And they are so kind and considerate of their mummy. I just can’t wait to see the smiles on their little faces,’ she started.

Kaitlin took a breath to speak -

‘And you wouldn’t believe what I have been through this week. It has been so busy at work. Phone call after phone call – I'm just grateful to be able to come home to a glass of wine every night-’

Please, you work part time. You wouldn’t know what a busy week felt like if it hit you square in your-

-’And that’s not even the half of it. Veronica has her ice skating lessons and Monica has her horse riding lessons, and every other day there’s another birthday party. And that’s not just it. I have manager meetings, client meetings, even book club meetings.’

Kaitlin looked back down at Tessa’s hands. Those tiny, well-moisturised, never worked a proper day in their life kind of hands. ‘You just have it all, Tessa,’ she cooed.

Giving fake niceties to narcissistic, entitled bitches now? Brilliant.

‘You know Kate, sometimes, I see a lot of my old self in you.’

Kaitlin paused mid-brush and clamped her teeth together. Don’t swear at the clients, don’t swear at the clients.

‘I do. I really do,’ Tessa continued.

Please stop.

‘It reminds me of where I used to be, and how far I have come.’

How far you think you have come.

Kaitlin’s steady hand finished the middle fingernail and she reminded herself that she was a professional and Tessa would not get to her. She knew enough about Tessa to know that she was one of many women in this town, bored of her life and nearing her mid-life crisis. A woman who magnified every minor change in her life and broadcast it on social media (only the good changes, of course) to make sure everyone knew how well she was doing. Keeping up with the Jones’ really took a turn when social media was invented. Tessa was the reason Kaitlin deactivated her Facebook profile, and she hadn’t missed scrolling through the fakery (or the fuckery, as Jason liked to call it), not even for one cynical second.

She looked up at her client, who recoiled very slightly at what must have been an obvious look of disdain. ‘Well,’ Kaitlin purred, ‘Thank goodness you came into this salon and into our lives.’

Tessa’s eyes bulged in what appeared to be sheer disbelief. She shuffled in her chair and shrugged her shoulders, settling into a very familiar expression of distaste.

Sure, this was a small win, but Kaitlin couldn’t afford to lose her second-best client.

‘So, have you sorted your holiday wardrobe yet?’ she asked with as much excitement as her GCSE drama background could provide.

Tessa leaned back in her chair and flicked her brunette curls away from her eyes. ‘Oh Kate, of course! I posted about it on Facebook only yesterday,’ she scoffed.

Kaitlin smiled and raised her eyebrows in mock interest.

Of course you did.

Client number three – Lisa, AKA Lovely Lisa. Kaitlin’s favourite client.

A forty-something mother of four (two children, one dog and a cat) librarian who was larger than life. No frills, no social media posts, no nuisance. And Kaitlin adored her.

‘Hello, you,’ Lisa said with warmth as she waddled towards the treatment room, ‘I’m here for my weekly massage and therapy session,’ she said, and her distinctive belly laugh followed, as it did often. Kaitlin wondered if that was the secret to her happiness; several deep belly laughs a day.

Kaitlin gestured to the table and Lisa sat for a moment, as she always did, to check her perfect corn rows which were always swirled up into a tight, neat bun.

‘I so wish I had hair like you,’ Kaitlin said.

‘Ah hush woman!’ Lisa laughed, waving her hand as if to say stop it.

‘Why do you hate compliments?’

‘Well, I just don’t need them!’ Lisa shouted. She set her bag on the floor and chuckled. ‘You may have a job today. I was gardening yesterday, and I fell right over my potting bench and landed on my backside in the roses,’ she giggled, ‘I couldn’t find my trowel after that, so I decided to put it in my fuckit bucket and watched the tele instead!’ she clutched her belly and leaned back in raucous laughter.

Kaitlin couldn’t help but laugh. Whenever Lisa was around, it wasn’t long until her cheeks were hurting from the constant merriment.

‘I’ll leave you to change,’ she said.

On her return, Lisa was giggling to herself, face down on the massage table. ‘Why does it not surprise me that you are laughing?’ Kaitlin smiled. She flicked on the speaker and set the ‘calm music’ playlist to shuffle. Not that Lisa would relax; she was Kaitlin’s only client who liked to talk when she was having a massage.

With her hands covered in rose oil, she started as she always did, at the base of her spine -

‘Oh wait,’ Lisa jumped, and Kaitlin’s hands lifted with immediacy.

‘What’s wrong?’

Lisa then spoke in a tone of voice Kaitlin never knew she possessed.

‘I need to tell you something before you start.’

The next morning, Kaitlin stood in front of the bathroom mirror, barefoot and without even a dusting of rouge on her cheeks. She took a deep breath and then exhaled, counting to three.

She would not say the words today.

She would not say anything today.

Nancy had been sitting at her feet for a while now, waiting for a sign of movement. She nudged her big toe with her wet snout and snorted.

Kaitlin looked down at those big eyes, full of expectation, without a care in the world except when the next meal would be.

Wouldn’t it be nice.

Her eyes were red and puffy. She couldn’t face the shower, but she knew she had no choice. She remembered her first day at community college, when her course leader Tiffany stood in front of her desk and screeched at the class: ‘The first rule of beauty; always show up at the salon looking H-O-T’, pronouncing each letter with precision. Kaitlin often thought back to those days. Jason was around more, and she had hope for a new career. A fresh start. Now, she could not even say the words that gave her hope. Jason was not here, and soon Lisa wouldn’t be either.

She looked up at the ceiling at a patch of black mould which once small, was now a scarier, medium size.

Give me a break. Please.

Nancy licked her big toe, and when Kaitlin looked down, her tail started wagging.

Okay, darling, let’s go.

When Kaitlin arrived at Andy’s, she couldn’t even remember the walk. She pushed the door open, and the ringing bell pierced her ears. Since yesterday, she had been sensitive to certain sounds. A mental note was made to take her migraine tablet as soon as she got to work.

‘Ah Katie!’ Andy exclaimed, holding up a hand and then lowering it with caution when he saw the expression on her face, ‘Are...are you okay?’ he asked.

She looked at Andy for a moment. Sweet, lovely Andy. She knew she couldn’t lie to him. Not when those brown, caring eyes were staring into her soul. ‘Um, it’s just...just a bad night,’ she mumbled.

Andy pursed his lips and frowned.

‘I’ll just take a look around for a moment,’ she said, and turned right towards the vegetable aisle to escape his look of concern. Kaitlin did not need sympathy or help, but Andy was Andy, and Andy cared.

She could feel his eyes on her as she browsed the store, but she kept looking at the shelves, knowing that he knew she didn’t even know what she was looking for, and knowing that they both knew she only ever wanted a coffee and a newspaper.

After a few minutes of dawdling, she passed the final few shelves of confectionary on her way to the counter. Glancing down, she gasped. How much?

‘I know, the prices have gone up again,’ Andy said, looking down at the Freddo in her hand. ‘I am not sure who to blame anymore.’

Capitalism. ‘I usually blame Jason for things,’ Kaitlin murmured. She licked her lips and realised how dry they were. She touched them gingerly with the tip of her finger. ‘Do you have any lip balm?’

‘Ah,’ Andy raised his finger in the air and snapped into helpful mode, ‘downstairs. I will be back in a tick,’ he said, and scuttled behind the counter and through the back door.

Kaitlin approached the till and retrieved her purse from her handbag. Underneath it, in the depths of the leopard print lining were her house keys. Attached were several key rings, one with her favourite photo of her and Jason at the train station in Betws-y-Coed. Wales was Jason’s favourite place, and it had now become hers. Whenever they holidayed to Wales, they both found that neither of them ever wanted to come home.

Why can’t he just come home already.

She placed her purse on the counter and looked up - the top stories of the morning were flashing across the television screen on the wall behind the till. A man was holding a chocolate Labrador puppy with a red ribbon around its neck. A quick flash back to the studio and then a quick interview with the latest celebrity, holding up a perfume bottle. Then, a reminder of the lottery numbers from last night appeared along the banner at the bottom of the screen.

Kaitlin picked up her purse and unzipped it, her eyes locked on the row of flashing numbers. Her shaking fingers pulled out the neatly folded pink ticket from the side pocket, where she usually kept her receipts.

She looked down at the ticket, up at the television screen, and back down at the ticket. She had the numbers all right.

All six of them.

Millions of pixels flashed before her, illuminating her look of disbelief in a pale turquoise glow. A faded light in the darkness.

Finally, she had done it. She was a millionaire.

Kaitlin’s heart sank like one of those pennies she had thrown into the wishing well when she was a child at the shopping centre.

A lifetime of wishes had come true in ten seconds. Everything she had worked for, every morning stood in front of the mirror in those fluffy leopard print slippers. Repeating the same words to herself that she always had, to give her days meaning. To give her life meaning.

Now, she had everything.

For a moment, she just stood underneath the fluorescent store lighting. It reminded her of being back in the city, sitting in the office, wishing for a better life. A warm tear rolled down her cheek and her legs tingled with numbness. Placing one pink heel in front of the other, she made her way to the shop door in silence.

Such lunacy. Such dumb luck, and that was all it was. Luck.

She crossed the road to the pharmacy without even looking both ways and stopped in front of the bin. With her hands held out in front of her, the small square ticket trembled with fragility.

Images flashed behind her eyes. A life made for her, just how she wanted it. Holidays, shoes, diamonds, houses, cars. All manner of things in leopard print and as many dogs as her many properties could house, and it was all within this one tiny ticket in her hand. But there was no laughter. No grit or determination. No real friendships, or bizarre chance encounters. She saw no hardships, and therefore no obstacles to overcome.

Nothing to work for. Nothing to dream.

Another tear rolled down her cheek. Kaitlin held the ticket firmly with her left forefinger and thumb and with its right counterparts she ripped it in half. Then, she folded the halves and ripped them again, sending the remains fluttering down into the waste bin.

The working day passed in a blur. Six clients, a five minute lunch break, and a brisk walk past Andy’s and straight home. Kaitlin avoided everyone and made excuses for her mental absence. She couldn’t talk. She couldn’t listen. She could only think. Thoughts and emotions scuttled behind her eyes like amateur dramatics backstage as they readied for the curtain call. Unbeknownst to them however, the show had already been and gone. Now, all that was left was a bizarre audience of regret, shame, and relief.

When she finally shut her front door behind her, safe within the walls of only her own judgement, she slid down to the floor and dropped her bag. Nancy whined on the staircase in front of her, hopping from paw to paw, the excitement almost too much for her to bear. She dipped her chin and plodded down to the porch to greet her. ‘Oh, Nance,’ Kaitlin sighed. What would the world be without dogs? As she fussed over Nancy, her keys fell out of her hands with a clang. The photo on her keyring of her and Jason in Wales looked up at her from the wooden floor.

I am so sorry, Jason.

‘God, I do love Betws-y-Coed,’ a smooth voice purred from the kitchen.

Kaitlin jumped and looked up at him, standing there in all his glory, a blue tea towel flicked over his left shoulder and a smile beaming from his beautiful, chiselled jaw.

‘Jason!’ she shouted. Kicking off her pink heels, she scrambled from the floor to his chest in less than two seconds. He laughed and kissed her forehead, then her lips.

Kaitlin never really had tasted anything quite like his kiss. When Jason kissed her, she felt relaxed, and at peace. Nestling into his chest, she inhaled his glorious scent.

‘You weren’t supposed to be back until Friday!’ she cried.

‘Well, I wanted to surprise you,’ Jason laughed, and his deep voice stirred something within her. She looked up at him and felt the immediate relaxation of her muscles. Treatments at the salon were nothing in comparison to what his presence could do for her.

‘Also, two things,’ he continued. He put his hands on her shoulders and smiled. ‘Firstly, there’s this guy in my unit, Sykes-’

‘First name?’ Kaitlin sighed. Always using surnames.

‘Eddie, Eddie Sykes,’ he answered in mock annoyance. ‘Anyway, Sy-Eddie is Welsh and was born five miles from Betws-y-Coed. He told me that Betws-y-Coed stands for ‘prayer house in the wood’. How about that?’

Kaitlin cocked her head to the side and raised her eyebrows in appreciation. ‘Oh, well isn’t that something,’ she said.

Jason nodded. ‘Well, secondly, his mum is selling a house right there near the town, minutes from the falls.’

Her heart felt like it had turned into a pile of hot chocolate sauce. ‘Jay, we can’t afford to buy a house, you know that,’ she whispered. Shame on me.

Jason stood tall as if he was standing to attention. He looked almost...proud.

‘Well’s that’s where you my dearest, are wrong,’ he said. And, keeping his eyes locked to hers, he reached down into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a small, pink ticket.

A pang of anxiety hit Kaitlin in the chest. ‘But, you don’t play the lottery,’ she said.

Jason’s smile widened into a toothy grin. ‘No, my dearest. But you did.’

Impossible.

‘No, honey. You don’t understand. I th-’ she stopped. Tell him you threw away a lifetime of wealth? ‘I mean, I thought I checked the numbers, and they didn’t match.’

Jason held the pink slip in the air. ‘Well, I checked. Then I checked again, and again. It’s the ticket all right! We are rich!’ he shouted and disappeared into the kitchen. ‘Shall we open the port to celebrate?’ he called.

How is this possible?

Kaitlin stood, her feet fixed to the floor, the blood draining from her cheeks.

But I threw it away.

She heard the pop of the port bottle.

‘I did wonder why you wrote that though,’ Jason called out again.

‘Wrote what?’ she asked.

‘On the back of ticket? Did you not write that?’

Kaitlin rushed into the kitchen, almost skidding across the hardwood, and grabbed the ticket from the kitchen counter. She flipped it over and her jaw almost hit the floor.

Written in a familiar red ink were three words in block capital letters.

Every penny counts.